Thursday, 20 February 2014

Show me what I'm feeling...1

Pictures often speak to me a lot more than words ever could. It might be something to do with the fact that I study words; doing that makes you realise how accidental and silly most meanings are. After all, if a meaning just arose because of a slang or an accident then how could it possibly, accurately describe this weird BIG feeling I'm having now. I think that's why I like pictures so much. They speak.

So I think I'm going to start posting pictures when they particularly sing to me. Indulge me.

Lately I have been seeing an amazing amount of posts floating around on the subject on mental health. I am awed by the bravery of these bloggers and also the accepting nature of the community in response to them. Sadly it is something I am not quite prepared to write yet but I did think this picture spoke a little as to what some of us feel sometimes.

Obviously black cats are very beautiful, they don't NEED white on them but EVERYONE else has it. There is incredible strength in numbers. I am going through a little bit of an awkward situation at the moment (I am sure I will talk about it one day, when I am safely out of the chance of repercussions and my posts could count as advise rather than just venting) which has just reminded me that some playground attitudes remain the same always. I am in the familiar situation where being 'different' is suddenly a bad thing. It is so confusing. I remember this so well from school; wearing bright clothes, cutting all your hair off, being interested in weird topics- it just doesn't float with young kids; they take safety in numbers. As I got older it suddenly became NECESSARY to be different. Suddenly at the stroke of seventeen everyone started trying to convince everyone else they had 'something' about them and the kids who were ignored for 'differences' suddenly got a quiet reverence. For the last couple of years I have got on decidedly well with people but it is sad to remember that may only be because they are allowing it; they are saying "oh, she's artistic so she's different" whereas ten years ago they would have said the same thing as an insult.

Right now I really feel like the black cat. I am in a situation where once again there is a group which I am different from and naturally that is hard. I am not saying that they are wrong in anyway in being different from me, I am only saying that it is a shame to see differences as a negative. Of course this is upsetting... mainly because this sort of thing is so much worse when you're an adult! When you're a kid you can reply or shout back at the insults; they are out there for all to see and hear and accept and explain themselves to. It is a whole lot harder to counter people-going-quiet-when-you-enter-a-room, or sideways-glances-at-each other, or comments-which-could-be-taken-both-ways. It is much harder to be a black cat when everyone else is not. I just have to keep remembering that there are groups of black cats out there and its only a matter of time before I am with them!

14 comments:

  1. I am so sorry you're going through this :( for what it's worth, I think you are incredible awesome and one of the coolest cats on the internet. I hope things get better soon!

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  2. Oh Ally, and you are such a gorgeous and talented black cat! I bet none of the black and white cats have a successful blog or a cool business or a world of beautiful, happy handmade things around them. Bullying as an adult sucks so much harder because it's so unexpected - you think that sort of thing would end when school did. It sucks. Hang on in there :) xxxx

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  3. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling down! It's tough to be a black cat sometimes, but you know what? There's magic to it. You get to skulk through the shadows and pop out of nowhere to surprise the other kitties, and some people believe you've got magical powers--and you do, you really do. :)

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  4. Oh, I know what you mean, my class in first year of uni was full of judgmental people preying for a victim to mock mercilessly. Fortunately, I got to change class by repeating my first year (best decision of my life!) and I met all sorts of people, black cats, white cats, grey and everything. I don't think there are groups of black cats. As you go your path you'll meet are cats who are open enough not to judge others by their colour :) and the world is full of people like this! (I also don't hesitate to tell people that everyone is free to be what they want when I hear someone trash another person behind their back). What you're experiencing right now is awful, I hope you can find a way of getting away from these toxic people soon. Remember you're amazing! lots of love!

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  5. Dear Ally

    I'm not going to pity you because you don't deserve it. You are wonderful and awesome and unique and so much more! It's those childish bully's who need pity because they'll never overcome their own small-mindedness. They'll never get past their stupid prejudices! You're great and I hope you find support and love with the people who matter the most to you.

    Liefs
    Irena

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  6. I hope you're alright, Ally. This post was so incredibly brave and one of these Time to Talk posts that I have related to most. I too feel extremely different! Not too many 19 year olds like to knit... But also, because I am one of the few of my school friends who hasn't left home and gone away to uni. It's been hard and I've struggled mentally too but I just don't feel strong enough to blog about it. My blog is my little slice of sunshine when my inside feels dark and not so happy. I only ever share happiness publicly. You are so brave, unique and wonderful. It makes me sad that these people don't see it. Someone once told me that people are only mean when they are jealous of something you have. You have so many talents as well as being extremely kind and awesome. Believe in yourself and you will get through. Also, you look cute today xxxxx

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  7. I felt the same in my early 20s but I promise you now I'm 30 I love being the black cat amongst the pack. Something happens as you get into your late 20s - you stop giving a shit about what other people think (95% of the time, there'll still be those odd days when people get to you). I guess what I'm trying to say is don't sweat it, enjoy being who you are because who you are is just who you should be. And as you change and evolve naturally, that will be who you are meant to be also. Embrace being the black cat - fashions come and go but black is always in style ;-) keep smiling x

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  8. I second what Jen says, it gets better as you get older, if you're feeling like people around you are still in the playground you're probably just older than your years, which as long as you're still playful, is always a good thing. I found the playground stuff stopped altogether when I started hanging with a mixed group of ages

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  9. I hope you're OK, Ally. I would hate to think that there was anyone out there who was making you feel less awesome than you are, because you are so, so awesome. x

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  10. Hello ally, im glad I came across your lovely blog! This kittens reminds me of my first cat kika, exactly same as these lil ones but fat big version heh

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  11. Bonjour Ally! I read your blog very often because it's just A.W.E.S.O.M.E. I just wanted to tell you I'm a black cat too, you're not alone :). Stay awesome and do not fit in. pleaaaase <3.
    One of the main reason I love your blog is that most of the creative blogs i come across are written by 'graphic designers' and it really annoys me.as if you had to be a professional to be ALLOWED to do something arty. You are GREAT because you stuy linguistics and you love it. AND you know how to spend your free time amazingly well (with craft, and other fun stuff). People who annoy you are BORIIIIIINNNNNG. blah. "oh you dye your hair red, and you're not in art school?! that's weiiiiird!". HAHAHA

    i hope this comment makes sense (i'm French. mon English est not parfait).
    sorry for my bad punctuation.

    i send you a piece of le ciel Fran├žais xx

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